The Endless Black Corridor
That endless dark road
That never ending blackness
That infinite abyss
I have been there
I have been swallowed in that overwhelming, overarching, all consuming smog
Of self doubt, anger, frustration, pain, despair
Where nothing ever goes right
Where everything you do just falls flat
Where every ounce or modicum of positive energy
Is hammered out of your being by the constant numbing thud of failure
Where every step up only pushes you two steps down
Where you just become jaded, faded, cynical, sarcastic
I have been there
Where your anger, wrath, rage engulfs you in almost a cruel embrace of sanctity & refuge
Where doubt & suspicion intertwine and become your best friends
Your twin nemeses of comfort and solitude
That feed your wounded and bleeding ego, that part of you that never knows respite
That side of you that all this time you kept repressed and tried to fight
And the tears they burn till they can’t hurt no more
Till the pain is numb and the fight not worth fighting for
Till you just want release, relief from this tortured existence
This life you once claimed yours with pride and is now riddled with inconceivable grief & strife
I have been there
When everyone around you lost hope, in themselves in yourself in what you believed
When pessimism reigned supreme and optimism a mockery, a distant dream
Where despite the storm of hurtful darts tinged with the poison of truth
Despite the wave of self pity layered with self righteous indignance and hate
When all was thought lost and you just wanted out
I have been there
When the abysmally simple truth hit home, hard, fast, merciless, fearless & triumphant
That bittersweet truth of life, that the master & mistress of my universe
The ying & yang of life is but God, fate, Karma, the force,
And in all these – myself
I
Yes, that sorry, miserable one lettered icon which represents myself and my being
My soul, who I am, not who I think I am
Oh the guilt and the almost ludicrously hilarious realization
I have been there
It will be ok. Just let go
I know your pain
I was once you
