A Dating Story
“When did you last go on a date?”
Tessa settled a bit uncomfortably into her seat as she tried to remember exactly when she had last gone on a date. It had been years ago – on a date arranged by her friends. It was one of those meet ups, coffee for coital compatibility or whatever the fuck people wanted to call it these days.
It was not a hook up. No. Tessa was done with that crap. It got her into more trouble than it was worth. Sure, it was hot. It felt good – momentarily. Till the emotions rolled along and washed over her as soon as he was done putting on his pants and heading out the door with a half baked goodbye.
No thanks.
There was nothing remotely comforting in that experience. It was just raw, animal lust.
“People have needs” her friends would say. Yea, sure they did. But those needs were now like beckoning shadows of lust to those vowed to be celibate. She did not need them – what she wanted was something more.
But she was not going to put herself out there and look for it. One marriage down the drain, one more disaster of god knows what and she was done. There was no experimenting at this stage. She was 35 and it was time to either settle or just chill.
But she knew deep down that she wanted much more. She wanted the love, the affection, the trust and the comfort of just being herself in the arms of somebody.
She had that – once. Till they both realised that they had walked down the aisle of folly – they were too young and too dumb to understand what compatibility was. And so they drifted apart and try as they might they both knew it was not on. They were done – he more than her.
She felt a pang as she remembered her efforts to keep the relationship afloat, to work things out. She thought that she could pray her way through it and somehow love herself on his behalf as well.
It doesn’t work that way. It took him coming home one day and admitting he had cheated for her to wake up to this reality. Still, she was willing to forgive him and take him back – if he would have her.
“Tessa, it’s over. There is nothing more to hope here. You have to let go.”
“I’m sorry” she whispered.
This was her marriage. She had invested her life into it. But it was not working and they both knew it. Her denial waned as he slowly moved away and out of her house and her life.
The divorce was quick – fault based of course because human incompatibility is unfathomable in this country of archaic laws and predatory lawyers.
She hid her shame well – she was not one to admit that this was a black mark in her head. Her parents’ disappointment was evident and she bore this in her being.
All these thoughts flashed through her head as she tried to recall her last encounters with Mr. Emotionally Unavailable so many years ago. And then the coffee with Karan date.
She looked up at Ruan’s eyes. He was a decent stick – a good man. She knew he was genuinely concerned about her because he was one of those who could read through her façade.
It made her uncomfortable at times but not in a creepy way. Yet she was reluctant to open that door – that little portal to her rather battered heart which was finally becoming a little more confident.
Her heartbeat was slowly settling from its increased pace and she put her coffee cup down and looked at her hands before responding to Ruan.
“It’s been too long…
I know, I know.
You don’t have to tell me – I know I must start dating again. It’s just that it’s so hard to let go.”
Ruan was staring at Tessa over his mug of coffee. He was holding the handle and gently swirling the liquid to cool it down. He never took his eyes off her but continued to stare.
It was a curious, almost comforting look. Tessa wasn’t sure what to make of it but she felt it was not a bad thing.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But you should not let your fear stop you from doing something you want to either.”
Tessa nodded.
She picked up her coffee cup and gingerly brought it to her lips. She took a sip and the warm liquid coursed down her throat warming it as it went.
She looked up at Ruan and nodded again.
“I know.”
