The Canvas of My Pain
First it was myself, through anger and hurt
Thoughts that were dark and deep
Emotions that were roiling and tumbling
I painted my soul with its blackness
Gouged my heart and empathy with the pain
Until it was numb
I screamed in the silence of the day
And sat quietly with the noise all around at night
The throbbing dulled by the sound
Temporary relief found itself in drunken abandon
Fun loving and free
Until the tide would subside and bring crashing forth like a tsunami
An avalanche into my senses…
Until you came along
I found in you a spark and a flame
A connection that would never be the same
And so your heart and body was mine
And I started to feel lost sometimes, a little scared
Yet the joining was divine
And then that avalanche came crashing down again
Out of nowhere out of the blue
And your body suddenly became my canvas of pain
Upon which I ravaged my hurt and my shame
It would consume and enrage me till the tide subsides
And suddenly an overwhelming guilt would engulf my mind
My canvas was not mine to brutalise
Yet I could not help myself, I would plead with your eyes
And repeat and repeat until I was replete
The scars would glare, your eyes would stare
My bifurcated mind did care yet would dare