Perhaps We Should Have Been Just Friends…
Perhaps we should have been just friends. You know. Not crossed that bloody line. That fine line which sometimes cuts your neck under the guise of ‘breaking through’. Such bull. I have only myself to thank for that. And funnily I don’t blame myself. Just that I know that I was the instigator. The one who put my foot or in this instance, hand, across that boundary onto the thigh and into the hair of someone who would have been a great friend had I not been so bold and so short sighted.
Just got caught up with everything and went with the flow. Straight to the floor. And now? A right royal mess. Harsh words, blocked accounts, deleted numbers, forgotten feelings…or are they? Feelings are wicked you know. They have this tendency to pipe up when you least expect it. Absence helps. Abstinence helps. But you know this is Colombo. And how much can you avoid people? Especially those who lurk in the same circles. It’s been a bloody rollercoaster but now it’s a sailing ship. Billowing with the wind and going where the tide calls coz that’s how it must be. We must answer our calling. And sadly, you don’t believe in addressing your demons. So you remain in limbo land. Only thus far and no further. In every aspect of your life. We would have been a combustion engine had we ever been together. I would have been burned and I know that now. It’s a hard lesson. Bitter pill to swallow. But I am glad I realized it. That’s why I wish we had remained friends. We could have still chatted, joked and been the mad hatters we were.
Even now, hearing you speak gives a tug coz we always had great conversation. Funny tales and a damn good laugh. Why the devil did we not stick to that? Just banter tinged with that sexual tension that is still there damn it. Growl. That was the problem no? That tension. Still thick like some bloody gelatin oozing out and you can slice it with a bloody knife and it would still be there. Electric. We were always electric. Fire & Ice. You could never deal and it took a good few sessions with a psychologist to see that. For me that is. You would never sight a psychologist. Too ‘pussy-like’ for your great male ego. Fragile, damaged and destructive but hey, it’s not my life. It’s yours. Good luck asshole. Hope you learn to be a better man someday. Albeit we can never be friends again, at least if you become the best version of yourself, that would be nice for me to see. But.
Perhaps not now. Perhaps in another lifetime.