He Had Become Entertainment…
He had become entertainment. He shouldn’t have, but he did. And I have only him to thank for it. It’s sad when friends become acquaintances simply to satiate one’s sanity. And to keep the toxicity at bay. What was once a thriving hub had now become a rare occurrence marred by sycophancy and grandiose explanations and expultations given to impress. It was ridiculous to witness. What was worse was probably that WhatsApp group.
Dear God. When people create groups, one assumes it’s for a decent purpose of communication. What one does not expect is to be slammed from pillar to post of a self aggrandizing ego trip masquerading as achievement. At least that is what I feel. It was nauseating to read at the best of times and at other times it was almost bittersweet. I felt betrayed and betraying for thinking this way. But I know it’s only fair on my part. I certainly don’t have any groups anywhere trumpeting my daily triumphs. What is worse are the responses. Good grief. These were so called mature adults. All pandering, swooning, moaning and groaning for cognizance and acknowledgement. I remember these days. I remember them because I made it a point to overcome them. These fools were still languishing in this quagmire of self promotion. Shameless and at the same time justified. The ego trip was justified. How the fuck is that Ok? I noticed the marked silence of many participants on board. I knew some – well enough to know that they were not too thrilled with the parlay. But they remained silent. And so did I. And in my silence was assent though I never engaged. Because I took a decision not to engage some time ago. One, I don’t have time to sit and reminisce about someone else’s past and two, I don’t think ego massaging is ok. I honestly don’t have time for this shit. Clearly a few jobless Jonahs spent their time discussing at times, interesting topics but most of the time, the said individual’s ego and achievements.
The futility of the whole exercise fascinated me in a funny way. The manner in which new participants with no inclination of the past were added on as if they were entering some coven of great virtue. Snort. Honestly, I remember the archaic group of yore started by him. The members of that group have now all fallen on the wayside and hence this group is now there to fill that void.
The void of vanity.
Hilarious too is the type of content spewed by the group architect – he talks of recognizing one’s weaknesses and seeking help but he himself will never do that. He talks of the need for affirmation but never sees it in himself. He talks of so many things that he himself is guilty of but will never make way to change. How can one be so blind? Or is it just a façade? I honestly can’t fathom such nonsense.
And so I made a conscious decision to move away. It’s sad. A friend once said that he and I regularly engaged in intellectual intercourse. And she was right. But sadly it turned into everything to do with him. The irony; he spends his time accusing his friends of not being concerned with his well being when he hardly checks on them. A random meet up in some random watering hole does not equate checking up on friends. At least not to match the expectation he has of them. Of dropping everything to be with him.
The abject manipulation and guilt really irked me and still does. If you live your life fuelled by machinations of self fulfillment at the expense of others, how is that healthy? How is that ok?
I now visit him –virtually – for entertainment. To laugh at his ego and at his pathetic followers’ comments and adulation. Terrible. Tragic. It should not have come to this. But gone are the days when I chase friends. Or anyone. If you value me, you will make the effort. If you don’t, it’s your loss. Not mine.