A Damn Straight Conversation
She felt a little nervous as he gently put his hand on the small of her back and pulled her closer. They were swaying to the music which was not too loud. The room was dimly lit with the lights creating a warm glow. She felt his breath against her ear and his lips almost touch the edge of her ear lobe. It was warm, gentle and complemented his fresh Bleu de Chanel perfume.
“Are you ok?” he whispered. They were swaying to Berlin’s Take My Breath Away and it was doing her no favours as it was one of her favourite songs, especially with its sexy undertones. It also did not help that his black shirt with the opened buttons revealed his light chest and well-toned shoulders.
“Yea I’m ok” she whispered against his head. She was holding his shoulders from underneath his arms and slowly moved her hands around his neck as he pulled her close so that they were both now face to face. She looked into his eyes searching for what she now knew she wanted from him – from any man really. Stability, commitment, truth and no bullshit.
She remembered how she had so readily jumped into the arms of someone so many years ago, foolishly believing him to be as ready to commit as she was. He was not. And she spent the next half a decade getting over him and trying to untangle the quagmire situationship that ensued. She was done after that. No more emotionally unstable men. You decide or you fuck off. That was her stance now.
“What do you want? From this? What do you want?” she asked, staring into those dark eyes of his which were intently looking at her.
“What do I want?” his voice was measured but steady. Not surprised.
“Yes, from us. From me – what do you want from me? Because if it is some exotic taste of Ceylon or some weekend jig or 3 month shag, you better find someone else. I am not that person.”
He stopped and pulled back, holding her waist with both hands. He looked dead straight into her eyes and said “If I told you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, what would you say?”
She was surprised. Taken aback.
“You mean a steady relationship? Where I am the only one?”
“Yes, I mean a steady relationship – as in marriage. And yes, where you are the only one.” He sounded a little surprised about the insinuation of her being the only one.
“You don’t know me – how will you marry me?” she stuttered. She was still a little stunned by what he was saying – she almost couldn’t believe it.
“I will get to know you – but I already know that you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know you are my person – that is, if you will have me”. He kept his gaze steady, holding hers till she slowly relaxed. He gently tugged her at the waist till she was up against him and her head was just a few inches from his. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.
“Are you sure? I am old school you know – I believe in romance and love and commitment” these things tumbled out of her as she looked up at him. Almost daring to ask for the bare minimum.
But he didn’t flinch or waiver. He gently held her and looked steadily at her and smiled reassuringly.
“I believe in love, romance and commitment too.” He took her hand from around his neck and gently kissed the base of her palm and held it against his chest – to his heart.
“You already are a part of me. Give me that chance to give you all that you deserve.”
She nodded wordlessly and just hugged him to her as he held her steadily. She felt his heart beat under her ear and felt his breath, steady and calm. No rush, no urgency and no performance. No butterflies. Just comfort.
She had found home.
