11 Things I Want To Say Out Loud But Never Do…:)
- Insensitive Bat – My you have got fat!
Me *thought* – That’s right sunshine. Fat like a whale. I don’t need you telling me this. Not like you are some waif either.
Me actually – Er yea. I have put on. Must lose.
- Nosy Aunty – why aren’t you married? Can find you a good fellow.
Me *thought* – you want me to end up like you? With your husband fucking his secretary and you playing happy families? No thanks. Dumb bitch.
Me actually – No thanks. I am happy being with myself.
- Curious cat – Why don’t you have a boyfriend?
Me *thought* – I’m not into boys. I like men. Those are few and far between. You wouldn’t know. You are still smothering your adult son.
Me actually – Er, I am not looking for one.
- Typical alpha male – reciting constant ‘my wife is…’ jokes
Me *thought* – Why the fuck are you married if you hate your wife so much?? I would kick my husband’s ass out the door if he spoke about me like this.
Me actually – erm ha ha (feeble laugh and half cringe grin with a mental face palm)
- Overprotective parent – You are allowed to stay out till late? My daughter is not allowed.
Me *thought* – Yes aunty. I am an adult. Not a baby. And I unlike, your daughter, am not sneaking around pretending to be at home and out partying coz my parents are so damn restrictive!
Me actually – yes aunty. I am an adult no – one has to be independent at some point.
- Uncouth child – I want a chocolate. Give me!
Me *thought* – Didn’t your parents teach you any manners you little brat?? The likes of you will be unleashed into society and the likes of me will have to deal with it!
Me actually – say please and I will give you one.
- MBA* sexpert – You look really hot today. You’re lucky we never met when I was single.
Me *thought* – Ha ha, I wouldn’t date you if you were the last man on Earth! Jeez talk about arrogant!
Me actually – Er ha ha, ok then. (awkward smile and find ways to quickly scuttle off)
*Married But Available
- Guy who is trying to hit on you – So are you married or do you have a boyfriend?
Me *thought* – Oh no, I am not going down this avenue with you. Sorry bro
Me actually – yea there’s someone like that in the picture (gives vague details and changes topic)
- Brand whore – OMG – I carry a LV bag or a Michael Korrs! What are you carrying?
Me *thought* – do you have any clue what those brands represent? Or what fashion they stand for? No, coz you’re goddey as fuck and just chasing brand names.
Me actually – I buy any bag that is durable and suited for our climate. Brand names mean nothing when the thing starts peeling for the heat.
- Lazy bugger – Here bring me a glass will you?
Me *thought* – Didn’t you learn the word please?? Just coz your bloody mother and wife are your slaves does not mean I am going to be one!
Me actually – Laugh, pretend I don’t hear and walk away
- Amnesia captain – Hey nice to meet you – shakes hand.
Me *thought* – This is like the 3rd time we have been introduced at this same house. Seriously wtf, are you suffering from some memory problem??!
Me actually – oh nice to meet you (shakes hand and then proceeds to have some ridiculous conversation)
PS – this was fun creating, is not PC and is not for you to get your feathers in a ruffle. The owl is laughing 😛