The Path Untaken: A Lonely Sojourn
I wish someone taught us how lonely taking untrodden pathways would be. But again, life is such that one is expected to learn these on the go as it were. And so that’s what I have been doing these days. Being unconventional has never been easy but it was worth it and now heading off the beaten track has brought to focus so many new things that I had forgotten how daunting it can be.
It’s not fear per se. It’s more a realisation that some truths are just things that only you see – for now – and that it would be a while or maybe never, when others realise it. And that is ok but it can be very lonely. I am often reminded of poems like Invictus and songs like Go the Distance and Defying Gravity which really bring to light the fact that the journey is not easy but must be followed. And as much as I would love to burrow into some cocoon of fleeting comfort, I know that is not my calling and it is not for me. And so to learn to trust my instinct and trust the journey has been a case of constantly reassuring myself that this is the way to go. The pitfalls seem many but then things do align as well – it’s just that it almost seems self-destructive to believe that I deserve what I want. And I know I should not feel this way but it’s almost like a ‘how dare you believe that you deserve this’ – years of putting myself down and impostor syndrome is really taking its toll. And it’s so easy to give up and give into signs and challenges when in fact I should just bulldoze through these – simply because I can.
But enough. I know this is the way to go – almost like a hangover that must be endured to eject the poison from the body. This is a case of shedding the old skins to allow in the new. Painful – yes. Lonely – yes. Worth it – yes. Sigh. What a year it’s been. And there is more to come but now, it is what must be. And trusting that has been the greatest challenge while teaching some of the best lessons in life. Crede rationi.
