The Joy of Pain
Physical pain is no stranger to me. I have dealt with varying degrees of it and my threshold for it is quite high. I was reminded again of how much pain I could endure last week when an old back injury decided to flare up.
No warning. No signs. Just woke up one morning with the mother of all back aches. I could not pinpoint what had happened but I knew it needed expert care. For 10 years, she held. Quite strong. And somehow, in the midst of all this upheaval and change in life, she decided she needed some attention.
Yes, I have put on weight. Sat in funny positions at my desk and used a bean bag like a fool. This time, I was reminded in full force the price of my perfidy. I was in excruciating agonizing pain which knew no respite. Not being someone who takes painkillers, I bore it till I could not anymore. I was again reminded that there are resources when one needs it – and so I took them in the same way I have been asking people for help when required. I usually hate doing that. I learned that it is fine and human to do so.
I was very angry with myself. Angry for forgetting how painful this injury was. Angry for eating too much and letting my weight gain. Angry for forgetting that my back needed care. I was reminded again that it is pointless to be angry – it would only make me tense up and make my back worse. A friend and the physio both gave me this advice. And so I calmed down a bit. But seeing how restricted I am, how every little move hurts, I find it hard not to berate myself for what has happened. But enough of that.
I now choose to see this as an opportunity to reset – evaluate what is and to ensure it does not repeat. My battle with my body I ended a while back. These are the few loose ends that need to be tied up – enough excuses to myself. It’s a very painful reminder – especially when even waking up is a killer – but it is something I have endured and it will help with dealing with other such painful situations. And somewhere I know the forces need to balance itself and so for every moment of pain there would be a corresponding moment of joy somewhere down the line.
The Ying and Yang will align when required – and it is coming soon. Knowing that in a way, is some small comfort. It is what it is.
