Not Your Average Cup of Tea
“You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Be gasoline – set shit on fire”
This saying popped up earlier this year just when some crazy things started happening in life. Crazy because it was so surreal. I watched fragile egos suppressed for years suddenly flare out with the right impetus – positions of authority, a right nut given to the wounded coward. It was truly mind boggling.
And in this dance that continues, I realised a few things about myself.
I have been, for the longest time, a polymath – a jack of all trades if you will or all-rounder as they say. It was never considered an achievement as such except in school. Even then, my Catholic upbringing had drilled humility to a point where we mistook subjugation for humility.
The older I got, these things just continued as a part of who I am and since it was never done competitively there was nothing to celebrate. Till these unfolding incidents made me realise that I was a lot more competent than most of the so called experienced people I was interacting with. This revelation has been brewing for over a year now. But it became stronger the more I started looking closer at things.
Being a woman ensured I was always hyper-vigilant and so I noticed a lot of things that many dismissed. My polymath nature also made it easier to see the bigger picture – not just the box or tunnel that I was meant to fit into. My competitive nature made me want to push boundaries – similar to the ones I had always pushed in my personal life.
Somehow this made me different and in the process, ‘difficult’. Coz I refused to conform and blindly accept. I felt we could do a lot more and differently too. And hence began the troubles because the insecure can never face a challenge. They just want blind subservience which they assume is respect. Where I grew up, respect was earned, not demanded. And it was always a two way street.
Realising that this circus is not mine and not worth it is possibly one of the best realisations in life. Difficult, yes. Uncomfortable? Hell yes. It’s a situation I am leaving knowing very little about the path ahead but trusting myself, my instinct and giving myself a chance because I deserve it.
In the process will hell burn? Yes. And rightly so. It’ll be a refiner’s fire – purifying and painful but worth it. And it won’t be me burning – my time is now – from the ashes rise the phoenix. And she will soar.
