Life, Loss & Lessons – 2019
This year has been tough and insightful. It taught me some tough lessons and literally brought me crashing to the ground. With 3 stitches to boot. I was continuing with my usual high packed lifestyle – trying to do a million things a day coz hey, I can right? And February saw me keel over with a blackout and wake up with a bleeding head. I spent two days in hospital, severely concussed and with 3 stitches to adorn my head. I hate being sick. This is the first time I had an accident of this nature as an adult. There was no known reason for it. Probably exhaustion but I have been more exhausted than this. But then again, my body was clearly giving me another message. I sleep at night. 5 to 6 hours coz that is sufficient. Or so I thought. Till I realised sleep deprivation leads to endless health issues and a general feeling of tiredness. So I changed my lifestyle and told myself that I need to take care of myself.
April brought with it a realisation on Maundy Thursday that the cattle shed like church I was in was not feeding my spiritual soul but my communal soul which follows ritual. I stopped going to church. Easter Sunday attacks happened – with that my conviction that church is merely a building of ritual was cemented. I found God in my garden. Yes garden. Because if God is omnipresent why do I need a building? If Jesus Christ came to bridge the gap between man and God, why do I need a priest? Coz the church – the institution – needs to survive. Not Christianity – not the faith. So I embarked on my own belief in God – and it’s been far more fulfilling than ritualistic Bible reading and sitting at mass. I also found out recently that the tale of Noah’s Ark is written in the epic of Gilgamesh which is a poem from the Mesopotamian region which is 1800 to 2100 BC – the Old Testament was written around 1200 BC. So what of the other tales in the Bible? Jesus never wrote the Bible. Neither did God. Yet we believe verbatim what it says. This opened my eyes to the importance of reflection on what is fed to us as Gospel truth – literally.
I started gymming properly – doing deadlifts which I though I never could coz of a back injury. It’s a small weight – it’s still an achievement for me. I also started cycling – discovered a bunch of ladies that include those over 50, some are mothers and are fit as fiddles. These are goals – age and motherhood is not a barrier to keeping fit and healthy.
I launched this blog – www.owlmuses.com – which is something I have been working on for a while. It was a step into the unknown but a fulfilling one nevertheless.
I decided to go ahead with an MSc in Archaeology. Yea the MBA is trending but it’s garbage – at least majority on offer in SL – and I am not one to join the herd. I love what I am learning – I have a long way to go in terms of learning the subject matter but I am enjoying the process. For this I am glad. I also learned it’s never too late to start doing what you love.
Somewhere down the line I wrote the lyrics to a song about the Easter attacks and was happy to compose and perform it with the music director and the choir that I helped found. It showed me that I can write songs – and it’s an avenue I could explore. I also got a tattoo. Something I have been wanting for a while. Different people will have different opinions but it’s mine to choose and live with.
The elections reminded me of Animal Farm by George Orwell and the need for thinking vs following citizens. This can only be addressed through education. I hope I can be a part of that someday.
My grand plans to learn scuba diving were scuppered when I realised I have BPPV – vertigo brought on by the fall I had earlier this year. I am not pleased. I felt the world was crashing on me until a dear friend pointed out the many things I need to be grateful for. I am not feeling so dramatic now.
This year has also been immensely tragic for many people. The Easter attacks brought violence back close to home. I know of someone who knocked down a person who died, friends who lost parents and many relationships and marriages that ended. Yes it’s sad. It’s really hard. But it’s also something that has to happen sometimes in order for life to become what it must. I learned this the hard way a good 4 years ago. And though it still hurts I now understand why it had to happen.
This has furthered my belief that our lives don’t end with this lifetime – our souls live on. The experiences I have been compelled to go through cannot be explained by the treachery of sin in this lifetime. It has to be from some past transgression. And if souls live on, then wouldn’t they return? Would they not come back to amend or appease that which needs to be balanced again? It is after all basic science.
And so in this regard, love I have lost, I am not woeful about because I believe it will return again some day. In it’s time. When it should. Perhaps in another lifetime. Or a parallel universe.
And so I have learned patience. And the need to sometimes trust the process and not rush things as each has its own time. And the universe will deliver when it must. I just need to focus on the person I am and make that person better. Beyond that I have little control over others or things.
2020 will be a new year but a continuation of what was started before. And so if we want change, we gotta change what we do. Right now I am happy to trundle along with a few goals set and a willingness to explore new avenues, places and experiences.