Women Need To Be…Themselves
Last weekend inadvertently served as a reminder to me about the capabilities of women and the challenges we face. On Saturday night I watched a show called Pathini by Sandarangi Perera and her dance group. I have enjoyed watching her videos online and I was eager to catch a show. This was based on women’s experiences in society – often adverse ones. The expectations of brown girls to conform to stereotypes in behaviour and clothing, judgement for being dark or ‘kalu’, harassment in the bus and abuse in general. They showcased how dance was a form of expression for women to be themselves because they don’t dance for you – they dance for themselves. I loved that they wore their shorts and crop tops and draped the saree over it while doing some Kandyan dancing mixed with hip hop. Their final items were in heels with bling kits which were quite sexy.
It was my reminder that women have many facets – we can be modern, traditional, sexy and that is totally fine. Expecting us to be some ‘Paththini Amma’ is absurd – not in today’s day and age. Not with the knowledge and education we possess. Yet women are harassed daily, raped, abused and generally blamed for being themselves. And it’s truly frustrating. At one point the dancers asked the audience how many women have faced harassment at some point and majority hands went up. Coz the age old argument – It’s not all men- can’t hold up when it is all women. And that is not a fact we should take lightly.
On Sunday morning I headed for my monthly Pink Wheels ladies cycle ride. It was raining but we still made it – 12 of us and we enjoyed a relaxed city ride and breakfast at Seed Café. What I love about this group is that it’s all women who are mothers, grandmothers, teachers, lawyers, creative people, singletons whatever. And age has never been a barrier to their will to cycle. Which reminded me so much of my mother who was a working woman, a graduate, who rode a motorbike, learned Kandyan dancing as an adult, swam while pregnant and generally was way ahead of her time. Just that social media wasn’t around to capture her life and she would not do it now. And these women I cycle with are like that – they are not social media influenzas but their lives are inspirational. And it’s this kind of influence that we all need.
Women have unfortunately today got bogged down with some bullshit patriarchal expectation of being a superwoman at home and at the workplace which is absurd. I reminded a friend recently – the women of my grandmother’s generation ordered people around. They did not do the domestic chores – they had help to do them. They just presided over them. Today it’s some warped cock & bull version that the trad wife was doing everything at home on her own. Not the privileged ones – that’s a myth. And yet we perpetuate this myth because in our mad rush to empower girls and women, we forgot to teach our sons to not fear those very women. Instead, they too are hung up on some notion of their mothers and both can’t let go. This really needs to change and we need all genders on board for this. We need a world where women can just be – themselves.
As Wicked is soaring through the theatres reminding us about the different types of women out there and how stereotypes are problematic, let’s take a moment to remember who we really are and not let the rat race and patriarchy define us. So today, just remind yourself that it truly is time to fly, defying gravity. And don’t let anyone get you down.
