Why aren’t you married?
You know one of the questions I despise which people seem to love asking is ‘Why are you not married?’ Besides giving the usual polite round the mulberry bush answer, I have now come to be extremely blunt as to why I prefer to keep myself company than with an ill matched partner. No, I am not against marriage in any way, it can be wonderful with the right person. But I don’t believe in “settling” to please anyone. So here are some of the main reasons why I think about a hundred times over before getting into anything with anyone.
I have witnessed too many Mama’s boys (cue in J Lo’s I aint’ your Mama) who can’t make themselves a cup of tea or coffee, get their parents or maid to iron their clothes and the maid or their mother is still washing their underwear. You’re an adult, not a baby and I am not taking over duties once your family is done with you.
I have spent too many days listening to so many friends bleat about their husbands who never support them, still live like they are 21, provide money but zero emotional support. These women are running households, looking into their kids needs and the husband is like an ATM machine – that’s about it. If I wanted this I will date an ATM machine or a bank. Not a human being.
I have witnessed too many so called happily married couples out at nightclubs and restaurants with a significant another (not the other), completely brazen in their philandering and quite happy to continue to do so. I do not believe in such rot. If you are committed you stick to your partner. If you can’t, get the hell out. These people make a mockery out of marriage and I am not joining their ranks.
I have also listened to gut wrenching stories of domestic violence, of ill controlled tempers, of brutal attacks in front of children, in front of family, and heard the age old excuse – his father was like that, he has a bad temper, but he loves her blah blah. Your partner is not supposed to be your torturer. You do not beat the people you love. And if you do, you have a serious fucking problem. And if you have a problem, get help. I am not anyone’s punching bag and will not become one either.
Tinder loving care – too often have I come across messed up men who want everything in a relationship but the commitment part – they want someone to listen to their tales of woe, be there for them when they are alone, fuck them when required, keep them company in difficult times but never reciprocate. I am not your emotional dustbin. Get with the programme or get lost.
I have watched outgoing, independent and opinionated women being cowed and matted down to be subservient, quiet and docile wives by their dominating husbands who are great friends but are backward husbands. “I am married now” is not a reason to change who you are. Yes you adapt and compromise. Priorities change, but you don’t become the polar opposite of what you are. I am quite happy with myself and will not change 180 degrees for any mother’s son.
So yes these are but a few reasons why I am not “married” for the sake of it. If it happens one day it will. If not life goes on. I ain’t dying about it or losing sleep over it so I don’t know why you should either.