“The Man You Want is Yet to be Created”
This is something that I have heard people say about me. Besides it being a joke, in all honesty it made me wonder, wtf. Is my criteria for wanting an intelligent human being who is emotionally mature, really so difficult? Apparently so.
I don’t bother taking on people giving these lines any more. It’s idle gossip for people who have fuckall going on in their lives and therefore need entertainment in assuming women like me are looking for men on Mars. We aren’t. And anyway, how it is your business, beats me.
But for those who wonder and for fellow women like myself, I think it is important that we’re clear on the fact that lowering our standards coz the pool is limited is not the way to go. It’s not a lot to ask for a sensible human being who can take care of himself and is aware of his emotions. Saying Sri Lanka men are like XYZ is sad in that we’re generalising and we’re leaving space to say it’s ok to be that way. It’s ok to never wash your clothes, iron your shirts or make some or at least all of your own food. It’s ok to be emotionally disconnected so that there is no intimacy in the relationship save for some physical fuck. It’s ok to expect your wife to be like your mother because that is all you know. It’s ok to assume that women are not equals coz your home was like that.
Hell no. Sorry, bro. This is not acceptable. Not if you’re intelligent. If you lived in another era it would be. If you lived under a rock, ok. But you aren’t. And assuming your home was perfect is problem number 1 coz majority weren’t even good and no one is perfect.
This is why Emotional Intelligence is so important. It has little to do with education and material assets. It has everything to do with an awakened brain. Sadly many men in this country aren’t emotionally intelligent or mature. It can be due to many factors but it is quite there. I am not the only woman of my generation not in a serious relationship coz a lot of us are saying the same thing – it’s the calibre of men of our generation. It’s not like we want to date some 21 year old or some 55 year old. Those aren’t always gonna work and it’s not a choice for some of us. So hence, we are discerning.
There are also the commitment-phobes hiding behind some situationship or constant hook up. They need therapy. Inability to commit is a psychological issue. And no, it’s not a happy state though many idiots will say it is.
So yes, we are discerning coz the divorce rate in this country is ridiculous and we don’t want to just add to the numbers. Can “find a man & get married”. Not difficult. Will it be worth it? Will it be happy? Will it last? No. So that’s why we would rather stay away and be happy as we are, than just fulfil some need for a partner by attaching ourselves to some incompatible person.
And wanting something that is good, is not a crime. Stop normalising shitty relationships & marriages which this country exalts just because it is what has been done. I don’t want to be in some dysfunctional shit hole. I have seen too many. That would be slow suicide. So respect someone who refuses to settle for bare minimum – because bare minimum is what has got a lot of us into this mess in the first place. Be discerning and know that it will come at a price. As will a shithole relationship.
Choose your poison – but choose it wisely. One you are in control of – the other depends on another.