Love & Romance – Waiting for Godot
Today an 80 year old gent told me not to give up on romance. That he wished for me the experience of sharing life with someone and knowing that joy. I thanked him and said, it’s not that I am averse to romance or love, it’s just that I have not found it anywhere and I honestly am not looking for it anymore.
This conversation was preceded by one of how immature Sri Lankan men are as husbands, that a majority are not ready for marriage or any kind of adult living. The gentleman is a counsellor and so he meets many in his work. I told him, this is why I am single. I am certainly not going to be mothering some overgrown cow who wants Kusuma’s bath curry, Mama’s pudding and Latha’s ironing skills. I grew up with a man who cooks, cleans and irons and lives an independent life. He still does at 70+. I don’t know what the fuck the present generation is complaining about – these are not alien concepts to our fathers, so why is it alien to the men of my age today? Where did things go so wrong?
And in this I was thinking of dating, romance and the nice things an old fashioned soul like me likes. I don’t believe in Tinder Loving Care (everything a relationship entails but the commitment part), casual sex and undefined 1% liaisons. There are people who do – good for them. I am not one of them. I don’t ever care to be that either. At 37, I don’t want to be in some limbo land of infinite bullshit. I have seen family members squander their lives with such fools – it sounds very progressive but it actually isn’t and is a bloody farce for those with emotional and commitment issues. No thank you. Keep that “progressive” shit in your locker and go see a therapist. I ain’t interested.
Romanticide. That is honestly what we are suffering from these days. The world is full of cynicism, anger, frustration and we are just meandering along the days into months and years of absolute mundane cock and bull with zero passion or any kind of fire or spark. We have lost the ability to be vulnerable but with conviction that we can handle the pain because, life is not without pain. Who the devil believes such lies? That you can escape pain? Denial is far more painful than acceptance. But wait. What the hell am I thinking? Honestly, I keep wondering if I was born into the wrong generation. I don’t want a man to provide for me. I don’t need a bodyguard. I would look for intelligence and emotional availability and of course, a spark. That’s really it. Surely these aren’t hard to find? But in the land of the living, it is like looking for Krypton on earth. Finding Ravana’s Dandu Monara would be easier. Snort.
I have listened to the stories of my friends’ parents who started with nothing but faith that they would make it and they did. People didn’t move mountains; they didn’t need to. But they believed they could and that is all they needed. Today we have been reduced to swiping on an app for sex and stalking people on social media. Men have lost the ability to have a decent conversation which is really all you need to create a spark. Instead it has been reduced to some creepy compliments and weird comments that don’t excite anyone; if at all it drives people away. To Mars. Funnily the best conversations I am having these days are with old men and young boys. Wtf. And they are quite unafraid of approaching women, paying compliments and yes, even facing rejection. But rejection is not something most people can handle. Heck, how many times have I been rejected? Doesn’t mean I hate all men, all relationships or the chances for romance. It just means that there is opportunity to keep exploring and I move on. One can’t be clinging on to the hurt of the past and ruin the future.
Sadly, all most men can offer today are their penises and some material item – Rolex, car, wallet etc. This worked 50 years ago. Not anymore. I am not some baby making machine that needs fertilisation, or Kate the Shrew that needs taming. Sadly this is why the likes of me are so selective coz my time is my life and I have no time left to waste on assholes. Sigh.
The future in this regard, for me, is looking like one of a solo bird. And honestly, I have become comfortable with it. It’s not the end of the world if I don’t “find” somebody. Life goes on. And it’s good. But what this gent told me, did strike a chord. And he, with the wisdom of the ages, would know better than I would. Yet I have little faith, little hope and little interest in finding, pursuing or gaining another individual into my life. There’s no time, the calibre is dubious (no offence to those who may take offence. Lol.) and I just don’t have the inclination any more. I am tired. Sadly so.
But, on the rare chance that I ever do happen upon something good with some solid romance, I hope I won’t be some jaded faded mandarin by then to really enjoy the good it offers and the joy it can bring. Till then, we will be waiting for Godot. Alea iacta est.