Ars Poetica is Dead in the Dating World
There was a seemingly nice guy who suddenly revealed his true colours by becoming the sleazeball that detracts women and sends them scattering when he assumes he can approach them. Why is this? Coz he is still 16 in his head and thinks trying a fast line like “Hey Sexy” or “Wanna join me in my room” to someone he barely knows, assuming this is what she is waiting for? Or because he is so used to hook ups and quickies that he can’t approach a woman in a civil manner that doesn’t bleed of sleaze, slime and desperation?
Women of a certain age and maturity are not looking for fuck boys. If we were, it’s very easy to find them coz that’s all that’s freely available these days – men offering their dicks on a platter. So we needn’t look – they are there for the taking if so desired. Some of us want very basic things but with substance.
Sure, people are on Tinder hooking up and getting into serious relationships. Not everyone wants that. Some prefer the slow and steady approach. The art of gently getting to know someone and nudging things in the right direction. The ones who understand that intellectual intercourse is a far more intense form of foreplay than the bull in the China shop approach which is crude and crass to say the least.
Where is the art and poetry in wooing and dating these days? Why has it been relegated to the movies of yore? Approach matters – ask any racing car driver, ship’s captain or artist. Today that art is sadly dwindling to cheap shot lines, swipes on a screen and an assumption of consent from the receiving party without ever truly asking. Read the room.
In this climate, what’s with Sri Lankans trying to set people up – ill matched, red flags galore, issues galore – and yet hope springs eternal is it? There are precious few in society who understand the nuances of approach, of dealing with and dating people not for sex but for a relationship. And there are few who understand that some people are too damaged to be in any relationship till they acknowledge and take adequate steps like therapy, to address those issues. Don’t throw someone in their face just because you have some fantasy in your head about matching people up. Relationships don’t work that way – there’s a shit load more than some purported “chemistry” or being physically matched. Just because someone is a “nice person” does not mean they will make a good partner in a relationship.
We are not actors in some convoluted role play of Fifty Shades of Grey. FFS, just stop with the matching people up – especially with those who are very clear about the kind of partner they want. And it’s not some project or some soul who needs “fixing”. Whoever needs fixing needs to work on themselves, and if they can’t, leave them be. Don’t be shoving them in the faces of unsuspecting people. No one is a rehab centre for some fucked up individual who refuses to help themselves.